Not as easy as it sounds...

THIS

Black. Girls. Rock.

Tonight I watched BET's "Black Girls Rock" awards show. It was awesome! Me no know how to 'splain. It was just amazing! You have got to watch it! Especially the perfomance of "Four Women". Not ONCE was there a man on the stage, beyond like one guitarist! It was empowering and brilliant. All women are beautiful and special, not just the Black ones, but there's something still under-appreciated (word check?) about Black women, especially as projected by the media. How many times have you sung the songs about black women's asses, thighs, lips, nails done/hair done, sex in the club? All the time. Admit it. I have too. This is fun, it's a form of entertainment...ENTERTAIN-MENT. NOT reality, NOT encouragement, NOT progression for my people, NOT inspiration, NOT intelligence. "Black Girls Rock" was the reality, encouragement, progression, inspiration and intelligence Black girls need to see. When you're a Black pre-teen, teenager, shit adult, sometimes you forget your worth because you're too busy singing about your ass while flaunting it. I grew up in the tundra that is, Minnesota. Yeah. Minnesota. Great place to grow up in a lot of ways (very little crime, the 'burbs, beautiful summers, cabins, lakes, PRINCE for goodness sake) but as far as seeing a lot of positive Black girls and women outside of my own house and social circles, my options were limited. So, I did what everyone else did, I watched TV and listened to music and read YM and Seventeen magazine to pass the time until high school graduation. And what did I see? Skinny White women. Don't get me wrong, I have love for ALL women. But let's be honest, Skinny White women are EVERYWHERE in the media. Not medium sized Asian women. Not voluptuous Hispanic women. Not tall and slender Black women. This does something to you while you're growing up, it makes you feel different and not always in good way. More in a "why does your hair do THAT? Why do you look white, but you say you're black? Why are your legs so big?"way. You want to say "Because! That's what my mom, sister, aunt, cousins and grandma look like!", but you just don't know how. Not yet. But maybe, MAYBE had the "Black Girls Rock" award show existed during my adolescence, I wouldn't have to.

PS- Google "Black Women" and search for images, it's pretty amazing what comes up. Damnshame.com\thislifeisnotallaboutsex.

XOXO,

T

T-Boz, T-Dubb(s), T-Wells, T-Mack, T-Dawg, Weezy, Trace-Dog, Tres-de-Leche

These are the names I've been called. And these are only the ones GUYS have called me. And, more specifically, guy-friends. Why? I mean, I don't really get it. Something about my name is very nicknamable to guys. I have never in my life told anyone to call me anything but Tracy. It's just that my name isn't short for anything long, it's five small letters, two syllables and it's pretty much just there. So when guys in my life started with the nicknames, I was curious but never overly concerned...until now. I mean, what's IN a nickname? Break it down for me. Is it that I'm cool and so deserve a homie-esque moniker? Or maybe just because Tracy Wells is kinda plain and could use a spruce up? Or, OR, maybe it's that my name is easy to make into something better? I have no idea. Seriously. These are all guesses. Maybe one day someone will let me in on the secret. In the meantime, I guess it's just important that you SAY MY NAME!

XOXO,

T

UPDATE 11/8/10: Trace Minerals. Geez.

On that new tip

So, it's been awhile. I'm sorry, my bad. It's just...yeah, yeah, I've been busy. NO! It's not you really, it's been... it's just that well, I've had a lot on my mind and every time I feel ready to talk--you're not available. I'm not blaming you. It's just we have to be in person to communicate and that takes time. I even write notes on yellow work post-its about things I want to talk to you about. I do! Really! I shove them in the book I'm reading and then into my purse. Now? Oh, Water For Elephants. Yeah it's good, I recommend it. So anyway, I just want to say I'm sorry. What? Well I guess I can share a little.

So lots of thoughts to discuss, but it all comes down to this: I'm happy! Really! I am. I really can't complain about sh*t. Yay! I mean I have worries, yeah, and I'm getting super anxious and inpatient at work, but overall things are good. Who? Oh. Well, I'm not sure.

What else? Oo! Well my vaca planning is FINALLY getting into motion for the year (YEAR!), which is exciting. India, L.A. and MS here I come! My friend from work, Leah and my Mom respectively. I know it's gonna be a crazy good time ;)

I made Tetrazzini and cooked apples tonight. I know!!! I can't wait til' tomorrow when all the ingredients have marinated together, it's soooo much better the next day. Well luckily it hasn't been too hot to cook. I also did laundry. It's pretty much the bane of my existence. Why?? Right. You must've never had to haul your draws, towels and sheets down 4 bustling NYC blocks, in a cart that has unhinged and relentless wires poking out of it that's sufficiently filleted your legs, to a run down laundry cave run by that random guy you saw at that sh*tty Euro-trash mega club once (ONCE) in the Meatpacking and now he acts like he knows you. Oh! And it's always busy in that joint. Always. And if you don't watch your clothes with hawk-like persistence the mean mom-lady-owner will grab them out and throw them to sit scared and lifeless in a dirty crazy-wheeling break-your-back cart. Oh! And halfway through your loads you ALWAYS run out of detergent, no matter how much you start out with. Why? Because you always OCD-out and use too much because you're afraid to pick up whatever was left behind in the washer you're using.*

*Huh! Look at that. I guess I CAN find something to complain about. I guess it's a gift!?

But yet and still (don't you HATE when people say that? Does it even make sense?) things are good.

I promise to do better with us, k? K.

XOXO,

T

I wanna play!

Well since nobody invited me to play "blog chain", I'll invite my damn self. I'll try to follow the rules and use only one word, but sometimes I just can't!

Hair: Brown.

Your Mother: Incredible

Your Father: SMART

Favorite Food: Cheese

Dream Last Night: Dunno

Favorite Drink: Sparkly Water

Room You’re In: Living

Hobby: Jewelry

Fear: Complacency

Where Were You Last Night? Bed

Something You Aren’t: Boring

Muffins: Where?!

Wish List Item: Vacations

Where You Grew Up: Minnesota

What Are You Wearing: Obama shirt

Your Pet: Nope

Friends: Mighty

Something You’re Not Wearing: Out

Favorite Store: Macy's (I be lyin')

Favorite Color: Black

Last Time You Laughed: Earlier

Your Best Friend: Strange

Place You Go Over And Over: Target

Person You E-Mail Regularly: Heather

Favorite Place To Eat: Ethiopia

And now I pass it on to Diana (www.loveandthequarterlife.blogspot.com)! You'd BETTER PLAY! :)

XOXO,

T

I'm Sense AND Sensibility

What up? I'm back. No excuse for the absence. It is what it is, folks.

Once again, ONCE AGAIN, life is imitating art. Just finished the classic Sense and Sensibility, which has been on my list of didn't-read-it-in-high-school-now-I-gotta-make-time-for-it book list for a while now. Anyway, it was amazing of course. Not only that, it literally was parallel to life events that were happening while I was reading it. Examples:

My Life

1. I'm no longer sharing with my closest ppl (that includes yall) the details of my dating life

S&S

Elinor: "From their (her sister and mom) counsel, or their conversation she knew she could receive no assistance, their tenderness and sorrow must add to her distress, while her self-command would neither receive encouragement from their example nor from their praise. She was stronger alone (AMEN, I say), and her own good sense so well supported her, that her firmness was as unshaken, her appearance of cheerfulness as invariable, as...it was possible for them to be"

My Life

2. The Official Trouble Apology happened. And if you don't know who Trouble is, you don't need to (see above). Mine wasn't quite as elegant as the below, but the sentiment was the same.

S&S

Willoughby apologizing for his horrible behavior: "I mean- said he, with serious energy-if I can, to make you hate me one degree less than you do now. I mean to offer some kind of explanation, some kind of apology, for the past; to open my whole heart to you, and by convincing you, that though I have been always a blockhead, I have not been always a rascal, to obtain something like forgiveness from (you)..."

My Life

3. The reason that I was even able to listen to the above apology, and almost the exact words I said to Trouble, are because I give all of my heart and not pieces. These sentiments, reflected in the book, I read in the book after I said them. Creeepy.

S&S

In describing how Marianne loved: "Marianne could never love by halves"

My Life

4. Two single sisters and me open to the possibilities of love, in a crazy city.

S&S

Two single sisters and Marianne open to the possibilities of love, in a crazy city.

So, what does this all MEAN? Good timing to read this book of course! But what else? Did my life get shaped by what I read? Am I reading (puns are fun) too much into this? Perhaps not. The bottom line is, with men, women, gossip, big cities, marriage, engagements, hussies and Trouble, things never change. From 18th century England to 21st century New York, shit's the same.

XOXO,

T

Proof I was waayy funnier in 2005 when I was studying abroad in London

Read on for proof and comments from 2010 in italics:


Mon, 9 May 2005
Welcome to the Spring 2005 edition of getting to know your friends:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10:30...damnit (was this a complaint? WTF)

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, but Im not picky at this point (Ha! The irony)

3. What was the last film you saw at the movies? Meet the Fockers. Yeah its been a while.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Felicity DVD's are my life. British tv sucks!!! But I guess I could deal with Footballer's Wives

5. What did you have for breakfast? Granola w/milk, toasted fruit breadw/peanut butter and a Women's daily (Damnit, I miss that Granola! It was fantastic.)

6. What is your middle name? Christine

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican, DUH! And apparently the British have never heard of this type of food, I can't find a good Chimi ANYWHERE:(

8. What foods do you dislike? I'm not that picky. But I'd have to say Im against the ever-present 'Pork Pies'. Also no olives, wasabi or feta cheese. (Don't worry, I like all of these things now)

9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Honestly? Salt and Vinegar...but I don't eat chips for this reason.

10. Favorite CD at the moment? no particular CD, but I do happen to be loving some old Prince classics. PLEASE check out; 'And God Created Woman' and 'Sweet Baby' by Prince, they'll change your life. (Still True.)

11. What type of car do you drive? I don't even think I REMEMBER how to drive.But technically, my Baby Tuesday -the Big Bad Chevy Blazer (The question can now be, "Do you drive?" answer "Hell-to-the-naw")

12. Favorite sandwich? Turkey Artichoke Panini from Panera. Yup I googled Panera to find its exact title. I'm THAT girl. (Still THAT girl. And I'm glad.)

13. What characteristics do you despise? Dumb people

14. Favorite item of clothing? The brown heaven belt ANDREA stole from me!!! (Fear not, I have it back now. It's actually not that great.)

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? India (And I'm GOING! November 2010! Yay.)

16. What color is your bathroom? actually a cute blue...but I share it with 6 others, therefore cancelling all of the cuteness (SEE! "lol" and "hahaha" and allthat)

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Whatever was a good deal and looks good....maybe something from Topshop. (*cough*MACYS*cough* yeah this statement is still so true)

18. Where would you retire to? Somewhere sunny (Wait!! Waaaaait. I'm not waiting until I retire for THIS to come true. Watch out Cali, I'm gunning for you in 1.5 yrs.)

19. Favorite time of the day? Anytime after class (Yup. Except change "class" to "work". FMJ.)

20. What was your most memorable birthday? Have truly loved them all...but I guess the sweet sixteen was pretty memorable. (Awesomely enough my 21st bday was weeks after I wrote this and it turned out to be one of most memorable to date! I didn't even know! Sigh. How cute)

21. Where were you born? Burnsville, MN. Like across the street from my house, literally.

22 Favorite sport to watch? Football (I be lyin'! I was currently getting over a football player, so I must've been high off that. Basketball. Duh.)

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Kamari and Weez (And they didn't. And they'll probably never read nor comment on this post)

24. Person you expect to send it back first? Leah. (And she did! Ahh Leah, the more highly evolved version of me)

26. Coke or Pepsi? Neither! Sick. Gimme a proper lemonade thank you. (Sparkling Water these days, folks. Poland Springs- Lime. Gimme.)

27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? I'd say I'm at my best between 5pm and 1:45am. (Note the time this post was, for lack of a better word, posted)

28. What is your shoe size? 9, reluctantly. (Ha! I think I picked up some wit from the Brits)

29. Do you have any pets? No.

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? I'm NEVER coming back.

31. What did you want to be when you were little? A doctor. Stupid kid.

#30 and 31 are go-without-saying f*ing hilarious. To me only, I'm sure. Ahh well, I tried to make you laugh. Sorry if I failed.

But I DOUBT it ;)

XOXO,

T

Haiti Vive

Last night my amazing sister hosted the "Haiti Vive Benefit" party at Shebeen, and I'm just so dog-gone proud! She organized it with one of her homies on their own accord. The place is adorable (202 Mott St & Spring Soho) providing us with an intimate feeling at a obviously stoic, (but still mad fun!!) topical event. The room was jussst big enough for her to accommodate to all the favorite people we've met along the way. The DJs were awesome, spinning Haitian classics and eclectic soul sounds, and the bartender/really good friend of the crew was putting her FOOT in the drinks. I swear I had a sparkling water from her and it was the best to date! I seriously don't know how she did it...but it could've been me, considering by the time I had a drink I hadn't had one for approximately 10 hrs. Can we say parched?!

But seriously, my sister put together a truly beautiful, loving event that encouraged donations of money and supplies, rather than requiring it. Which I think helped us raise even more and made people feel at ease when they walked in the door. When I was on door duty, and I told guest there wasn't a cover and asked them to give what they could, their eyes seemed to doe and fawn. Pupils dilated and 'erething. It was cute. Thanks for what you gave people! We've all given so much, but can still give so much MORE*. We have got to continue to remember for the days, weeks, months and years to come that Haiti is still building and trying to recover from the terrible earthquake. So on the first day you forget about it (because as people in a cushy America, it's inevitable) and the day after when you think about it again...GIVE SOMETHING.

SO great to see all of my favorite people all in one spot, in one night and with open hearts and clear minds. Nobody was buying bottles, taking rapid shots or on the prowl, too distracted by new meat to socialize and interact. What a blessing!

Thanks Drea for all you've done. You're amazing. Plain and simple. Love you sister.

*You can give at BrooklynNight! At the top right of this blog there's a link to the Red Cross. Why not now?

PS-(in a quivering, soft and ashy-sounding voice) "My feet are Stttrroonnng"

XOXO,

T

The First Day

Well hello. Yes, it's me in the 7AM hour! Shock of my life too, trust me. Today feels like the first day. Of school? Maybe. Of Work? Definite possibility. Of the New Year? Should've felt this way. Of the rest of my life? Most likely. A bit extreme or corny you might be thinking. But why ELSE would I be up blogging this early!? It feels like I'm on the brink of something big and so now I'm awake, anxiously awaiting the day...to go to work. Nothing more than that right now...the same but totally different. Why? I'm finally ready, willing and able to speak about change and ACT upon "FMJ"! Again, it DOESN'T have to be FMJ. It can be HFMJ (High Five My Job) or even LMJ (Love My Job) :) Working on it today more than ever...

Let's get 'em!


XOXO,

T

FMJ

We've all heard the "clever" outpouring of complaints forced upon us by even the most seemingly innocent Facebook friend. From your third grade teacher, who your mom made you accept as a friend, to your closest bff, you've heard it all; OMG, WTF, FML, SMH, LMFAO, LMAO, LOL, blah blah f-ing blah. Well 'eff it. I'm joining the cool- kids- crew and starting my own. And here it is, introducing:

FMJ (Fuck My Job)

You know it sucks, why not have a catchphrase for it?! How many hours in your work week do you spend thinking this? 5, 10 hrs? More? I can certainly say more than 10, and now I have a way of letting ALL my Facebook friends, Hell the WHOLE WORLD, know how much I dislike my stinking job.

But SHOULD I be doing this? NO. I SHOULD be trying to fix this minor (major) detail (plot) of my life (existence) into something more meaningful (figure out my life's goals and aspirations). Why is it that we've started to accept that are jobs suck? Do we have to hate our jobs? Is that in the grown-ups manual or something? I must've skipped that part, searching for the sections on drinking and doing whatever I want. Let's return to the time where you learned a trade, say milling or cobbling, and you were that! You lived, studied and changed your damn NAME to that. How many Millers do you know? A handful in your life, at least! Now, how would I look changing my damn name to Tracy Associate Planner in Fine Jewelry? Crazy, I know. And I want to be defined by something I'm passionate about...and that 'aint it. So I have to find my "thing" folks, gotta find it...

Feel free to use FMJ as needed, I know you want to.

XOXO,

T

The CZ in Me.

I heard this clever gem in a new Robin Thicke song:

"Just like the ocean makes the pearl, pressure builds diamonds"

This must be why I work in Fine Jewelry, in PEARLS no less. The pressure of this crazy city, dating, learning, adjusting, moving and shaking, working and trying to figure it all out is building a diamond. Bueno!

Then why do I feel like I'm cracking? Does that mean I'm CZ*?!?!?!

Damn.

*CZ as in Cubic Zirconia not Ceska Zbrojovka guns weirdos.

XOXO,

T

2010, bitches.

Well hello. There's so much to catch up on, I feel like writing nothing. Does that make sense?! Here's my chance to finally use this analogy, it's like going into Urban Outfitters* and seeing alll the fly stuff you want everywhere. You want to touch it all, discuss it all, BUY it all! But you can't. Impossible. So you buy nothing. I mean, who the hell wants only one thing in a cornucopia of awesomeness? Nobody, that's who. However to move things along here, I will just provide a few random topics that have been on my mind, in no particular order:

1. School Daze was watched approximately 5 times over the past week. This movie is incredible, bunk the critics. It's beautiful, raw, real and has songs that will echo in your skull through the most boring work meeting. "This was your LAST test and you FAILED!!" Damn Julian! You so meaaaann.

2. Having a pajama jam=the best idea ever. I wore my new cheetah print Snuggie and with little to no shame, I'll say it was a HIT! Literally wore it like an evening gown, with a belt to cinch my waist, and came out like Ali. Straight GOAT. I know. I know.

3. Little known fact about me: since about 1990 I have periodically experienced a weird ache in my belly button. I remember quite clearly the first time it happened, I told 1st grade teacher Mrs. Gerry my belly-button was hurting and she took me out into the hallway to talk about it, "OK, I'll bite. What the hell, it's been a long day" is what she was probably thinking. So I explained that it was hurting, but she just didn't believe it. She tried to convince me it was my "tummy" that was hurting, with me all of 6 looking at her cock-eyed not yet knowing how express the phrase "Naw lady, it's my belly-button for sure! Don't be condescending and get me to the doctor, ho!". I've often joked that Dr. Wynn (the family friend Doc who delivered me and later came out of the closet to the shock of all) messed up the belly button knot at my birth, causing this lifelong, unnecessary pain. And now I know I was RIGHT! That weirdo straight messed it up! It's a called a Paraumbilical Hernias. Mystery solved.

4. State your purpose. If you come at me for any reason...seriously state your purpose. Don't waste my time with idle communication that barely requires response. State your MF purpose. What do you want from me? This has happened a lot lately and I'm starting to get creeped out by it.


See, I told you it would be random. Was it worth it? ;)

XOXO,

T



*Used as an example only, you may insert your favorite store here.